Letter to Bracken

I lied in my last post. I said it was going to be about the things I have learned about myself since I moved to Cairo. That one is still in production, but I have a more important one to write first.

I read an article today entitled Expat Loss: Dealing With Leaving Your Pet Behind*. I had to leave my dog behind when I moved to Cairo, so I am going to take the advice in the article and write her a letter.

Dear Bracken,

When I rescued you, you were already 13. You were a bit chubby due to lack of exercise and crap food, and you had arthritis in your back legs which had been left untreated. You were so anxious about every new experience. Over the next three years we faced many challenges together, but we sorted your back legs, your doggy dementia and your weight problem. You gradually came out of your shell and became the Bracken we know and love today. You might be an old lady of 16, but you're still like a playful pup at times and live your life to the full.

You must have wondered why, after all we went through together, I left you. Well I can tell you it was the hardest decision of my life, and you were one of the main reasons why. The thought of not being able to pick you up and cuddle you whenever I want (not that you like that anyway so you're probably happy about this), not seeing your cute little face in the morning and not being able to watch you do your 'mad dog' thing as you hurdled through the french windows, filled me with grief. Actually, it still does. But I had to take this one chance at a different life. To begin with I thought that I would wait until you passed away, but you're a tough little thing (thankfully) so I could have been waiting a long time. Then I thought I would take you with me, but then I realised this was totally selfish. You are just too old to justify putting you through the trauma of the journey. Also, you're designed for howling gales and lashing rain, not 45 degree heat. You'd have hated it here.

I was so lucky that Granny and Grandad gave you a home. Now you have constant attention, another doggy friend, lots of lovely treats (because unlike me, Granny likes cooking, and Grandad is a total soft touch) and lots of walking and sniffing. You have settled in brilliantly and have really bonded with both of them, but Granny especially. Grandad calls you wee Snudge. You seem really happy and healthy from all the photos they send me. You're still an amazing little dog. I'm so glad about this but I want you to know that I miss you dreadfully. I think about you all the time and constantly look at photos of you. I long to stroke your soft ears and give you a back leg rub - you know, the one where you stretch your legs right out and almost do a belly flop.

I might get another dog here in Cairo, God knows there are plenty of dogs needing to be rescued. If I do, I want you to know that you will always be my number one dog. No dog can replace you in my affections. I love and miss you so much, and I wish there was a way I could get you to understand that. I'll ask Granny to give you a massive hug from me and you can wriggle indignantly.

Lots of love poochkins,
Carol

* Expat Nest (www.expatnest.com) is a professional online counselling service for expats.